It’s Nice To Feel Useful (4)


It’s nice to feel useful (4) …

Every now and again I start to look back over my posts to review what has been going on.  One of the things that I like to do is to take a look at the search questions that seem to bring web-surfers by the site and take a look at some of the more bizarre and unusual.

P&O Pride of Rotterdam

All of my reports  in this post  are about travel related questions. Firstly this one – Ferry Crossing Hull to Amsterdam Horror Stories”.  I am not sure what the enquirer had in mind here, perhaps it was the story of the woman who threw herself overboard or perhaps the suicide statistics on the nearby Humber Bridge, maybe it was the on board catering arrangements which, actually, I have to say were excellent!  Either way here is the post that I wrote about the otherwise brilliant ferry crossing – Hull to Rotterdam.

Spain Postcard Map

Second in this category is is there mountain driving throughout Spain?” What a dumb question – with an average altitude of six hundred and fifty metres it is second highest country in Europe after Switzerland so of course there is mountain driving and to be honest most people could work this out by consulting a geographical atlas.

To be honest however I have to admit to having been caught out by this myself and on a recent visit to Catalonia I was forced to abandon a drive to Andorra because the mountain drive was just too difficult – An aborted drive to Andorra.

Ryanair Cabin

Next in this section – How long is Ryanair airplane seat belts?” and quite frankly how the heck should I know and do I really care. I first wrote on the subject of Ryanair in 2009 and it immediately started getting hundreds of hits and then in 2011 it just stopped completely.  I reviewed and reposted it and changed the title from the specific ‘Travel Tips when Flying Ryanair’ to the more general title that it has now and hey presto the hits started coming again. – Travel Tips when Flying Budget Airlines.

Gerald Durell Corfu Greece  Lawrence Durrell Corfu Greece

Next, I like this one – Lawrence and Gerald Durrell – how tall were they?, honestly, what sort of question is that and unless you were their tailor or their undertaker why would you want to know.  I did write a post about the Durrells when I visited Corfu where they both lived so perhaps this is where the enquirer ended up – “Corfu, In the Footsteps of Lawrence and Gerald Durrell” and I will be returning later this year so hopefully I can provide more missing detail!

Sagrada Familia Cathedral Barcelona

How about this one – How long would it take me from Sagrada Familia from England?  Without further information that is a tough one because unless you have discovered time travel which is very unlikely then the options seem to me to be restricted to road, train or airline.  The motorway option will take a couple of days if you test the motorway speed limits to the maximum and the train option is probably more or less the same but a flight from London Stansted will see you in Barcelona, or nearby Girona (Ryanair) in under two hours.

I flew to Girona recently and this is my post about Gaudi’s unfinished Cathedral – The Sagrada Familia.

Finally in this section I have found a question about Morocco – Buying a rain jacket in Fes” which just makes the mind boggle.  You can pretty much anything in Fes but it doesn’t generally rain a lot in Morocco, except when we went to the Majorelle Gardens in Marrakech so when I was there rain wear was not very prominent and we had to make do with a travel umbrella – The Souks of Fes.


Moving on from travel I have found a couple of health related queries.  I am not a doctor or a dietician but I think I know the answer to the first one – is edam good for your liver?” and my response, unless there is medical research to the contrary, is probably not.  I did write a post about a visit to a Dutch cheese factory so perhaps this is where the enquirer was directed – Heritage visits and Museums.

And then this one – “Banana Death”  

I confess that I have never been a great fan of bananas but except for the time when my dad and I fell out one tea time because I refused to eat one in a sandwich I have never really considered them to be especially dangerous. 

My dad loved bananas and it is an interesting fact that they are now the most popular fruit in the UK with Britons eating an average of between 25 and 30lbs of fruit each year; more than double the amount consumed 15 years ago. Annual UK sales are at a record £750m, representing more than a quarter of all fruit sales.  I wrote about bananas once here – Banana Sandwiches or Chip Butties?

Tourists The Grand Tour of Europe

Finally to sex because it is estimated that well over half of all web searches are about this subject.

Firstly “Places to get laid in Europe” and believe me if I had the answer to that one then I would keep it to myself.  Perhaps the enquirer was thinking about the red light district in Amsterdam or perhaps they found their way to my post on the Grand Tour of Europe?

But I have saved my absolute favourite for this collection util the very last and this is it:

Did Vikings have large penises?”


Well, I am not an archaeologist or an anthropologist but what  sort of odd question is that to put into a web search engine?

I find myself being completely unable to help with this subject but on a recent visit to Iceland I did get to visit the rather odd Penis Museum but I don’t think that will have the answer to that one either.


19 responses to “It’s Nice To Feel Useful (4)

  1. I concur…mountains in Spain….said the cyclist having the cardiac arrest in the Picos de Europa. Great post Andrew. Still laughing.


  2. Nowt as queer as folk…. (or their Google searches apparently)


  3. I don’t know where you find the time to read your stats! All I ever find on mine is olive paté searches anyway 😀


  4. Amusing post, something for everyone almost in these search phrases, the good or not so good thing is, depending on ones lookout point, is that one can “google” almost anything and get something 🙂


  5. Edam good for the liver. I admit, most of the questions were weird, but this left me scratching my head.


  6. Makes me wonder who these people are. Weird questions. I have to shake my head. 😉


  7. Entertaining stuff, Andrew.

    Do you know what a Googlewhack is?

    I came across it via the work of British comedian Dave Gorman, just about the most cerebral “stand-up” that there is.

    This explains it:

    But if that appears a bit dry, let DG really make it come alive.

    He is a fellow – if ever I saw one – who is blessed with true genius. I have been a fan for over ten years now. I adore such a stunningly fertile mind coupled with his clearly thoroughly decent nature.

    Watch this and be prepared to be amazed. BTW, if ever a bloke made your Average Joe need to raise his game with a PowerPoint presentation, then this is the man!

    Such sublime control over the zapper in his hand !! Indeed he has several of these astonishing Live Stage techno-savvy presentations on subjects that run the gamut. He seems not to have a nervous bone in his body. Such confidence can only come from serious burning of the midnight oil. He has put in the HARD YARDS on the rehearsal floor.

    And the most wonderful thing about him? I submit it is this: he looks so extraordinarily ORDINARY.

    Here is some wonderful mental food for you:

    Dai Woosnam
    Grimsby, UK


  8. I admit I’d never had a strong desire to visit Iceland. But the Penis Museum — how can one resist?


  9. Good and funny post Andrew. We get some interesting search terms as well, and I’ve thought of doing a similar post. When you read some of these search terms, it’s hard to imagine who’s at the keyboard on the other end. ~ James


  10. Pingback: It’s Nice To Feel Useful (7) | Have Bag, Will Travel

  11. Pingback: It’s Nice To Feel Useful (9) | Have Bag, Will Travel

  12. I needed a laugh this evening and you gavr me one. What could be better.


  13. Pingback: It’s Nice to Feel Useful (11) | Have Bag, Will Travel

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